How Long Must I Remain Single After a Breakup?

This is an age old question. One in which social norms seem to override reality. 

The answer, in short, "nature abhors a vacuum"

So, the question is better asked "how long does it take me to let go of the past?"

And

"What does letting go the past, really mean"

I will start with the last question first.

Letting go the past, in this case your ex partner, takes a few hours if you are completely honest with yourself. Of course, that's not always as easy as it sounds. If you ask a person to put their hand in a hot fire, they'll usually say no. So, when we come to letting go somebody which requires us to go into our pain and attachments, we often try to avoid it.

And that's what determines the actual time it takes between letting one partner go and attracting another. In other words, if we are honest with ourselves it can be instantaneous.

Honesty however, is not as simply as it sounds.

And letting go of the past requires it.

Here is the simple process from Nature's Universal Law for letting go a person from the past. (your ex partner for example)

1. Take all your negative judgements about them and list them in a narrow colum. (there needs to be at least 1000 things in that column if you plan for the instantaneous meeting of your new partner.

2. If there are not 1,000 minimum things negative in that column you are just protecting yourself and remaining attached to them. That's ok, it will just protract the meeting of a new partner for whatever time it takes to complete this step. And the longer you leave it, the harder it gets.

3. Now make another list of all the positive things you see in your ex... there also must be 1,000 minimum .. think seven areas of life...

4. Now find where you have all those character fault and gifts in yourself... (ie stop putting them on a pedestal (I'm less than them) or putting yourself on a pedestal (I'm bettter than them)

5. Now, take each negative thing you've identified (each of us has 3,000 negative traits) and find the gift, the benefit of having that trait.. you'll be shocked that most things you like in people come from most things you don't like.

6. Now, take each positive thing you've identified (each of us has 3,000 positive traits) and find the downside, drawback of that.. you'll be shocked to find that most of the things you like in people cause most of the things you don't like.

At the end of these lists .. you will be close to unconditionally loving your ex. If they do things that piss you off or please you during the process, add them to your list and process them.

When you're done with this process, nature guarantees your new partner will appear.

So, how long does it take before your new partner replaces your old partner? It takes the amount of time your ego takes to let go of it's identification with emotional imbalanced perception... 

I do this form on my partners everyday. That way, if they leave, i don't have such a mamouth job ... I usually have a list of 2,000 positives and 2,000 negatives on anyone I want to love.

If you are with a partner and you want to be fertile and sexually aroused by that person, all you need to do is do the positive list, and the negative list ... but only process the negatives. In other words make them more positive than negative .. it's called infatuation and it causes sexual and hormonal arousal, a key for fertility.

Many couples I have helped get past infertility have been too much in unconditional love. They have come to know each other for so long or so wisely that they are no longer infatuated. 

Example:

A person I know really well hates her ex husband for cheating on her. She judges him harshly but has moved on and attracted a new mate. She remarried and keeps incredibly large distances between herself and her ex husband. She things she moved on...

But has she?

She certainly found a new man, she certainly got on with living. But is she really divorced from her first husband? Lets see:

1. She lives a life avoiding any circumstance that reminds her of what she judged in her ex husband, paranoid about being lied to or cheated on... So who is running her life? Her Ex...

2. She lives a life making sure her children do not exhibit any of the qualities she hates in her ex husband, so, in nature what we judge we breed, attract or become.. so, her children don't tell her the truth, her partner isn't honest, and she isn't really honest ... everybody walks on egg shells and has become very good at not being detected keeping secrets.

3. Her infatuation with her new husband is on the basis that none of the character traits she hates in her ex husband exist in him. Of course, in nature we know everybody has every trait, so is she in love or living in hope, not in love? You answer that for yourself?

4. The mere mention of her ex husband sends shivers down her spine. SO, there is obviously some massive attachment to him she hasn't really dealt with. In order to deal with that inconvenient attachment, she surrounds herself with food, and has become obese. Guess what her new husband's issues are with his ex wife?

Dealing with Grief

Grieving is over rated. Emotional honesty is under rated. The longer we avoid emotional honesty the more the therapist and psychologist and institutions that support grief get solicited.. paid.

Grief is what we do until we unconditionally love the person we lost.

Grief is how we keep ourselves from putting our hand in the fire and facing our ego attachments and judgements.

Grief is essential when we don't really want to let go.

Grief is a culturally acceptable way of dealing with letting go. It is also convenient for others to support if they too do not want to let go.

Grief is what we do when we don't really trust nature, or love.

Grief is how we attract pity and we know, pity loves a party, pityparty.

Conclusion

1. Letting go the past means absolute unconditional love for it and the person in it.

2. How long should we wait before finding a new partner after the last? As long as it takes to find unconditional love for the ex... in my case, I live in that state, so, no time at all. Instantaneously, because nature abhors a vacuum.

3. What else delays a new partner arriving instantaneously? Choosing a different form of partner and filling the vacuum with work, sport, tv, reading, yoga, meditation, alcohol, food.... if you fill the vacuum left by a partner with some other product or service, don't ask nature to fill the vacuum, it's full. Remember in nature "nothing is missing, it just changes in form"

Comments

[Dean Jacobs]

great article!

Was wondering if you have ever shared some of what's on your positive and negative lists?

Thanks,

Dean

[Chris Walker]

Negatives: dirty, rude, cruel, unkind, selfish, aggressive, passive, lazy, clumsy, poor with money, demanding, fluctuates, un-motived, deluded, liar, cheat, ...and 980 more (all things she is - I am)

Positives;inspired, friendly, kind, happy, good cook, sexy, fun, smart, wise, caring, loving, focussed, intelligent, creative, spontaneous, honest, supportive, ... and 980 more (all things she is .. I am)

[Dean Jacobs]

Thanks mate,

I appreciate your wisdom and timeliness. Funny how I already know this, but find a block sometimes with really taking it in, i.e. my attachments at times are stronger then my commitments.

Cheers,
Dean

[Chris Walker]

Ya, me too